Stay
by Arkangel360
Summary: All Loki ever wanted was his brother by his side.


They were raised as brothers, training alongside each other. They shared a room from when they were born to when they became the Midgardian equivalent of thirteen. When one would sneak to the other's side in the middle of the night, the other would invitingly lift up his sheets, giving ample room to crawl in. They never told anyone of their affections- they were brothers, so wasn't it normal? When Thor would slide his hands over Loki's body as they showered together, he assumed that the overwhelming sensation of love that rose was normal. When Loki would sit in the highest balconies of the palace and read his endless novels, he would sometimes spot Thor training below. His feeling of pure _need_ was dismissed for something normal- don't all siblings feel the same?

Then Odin found out about their adoration for each other one evening at a feast (a careless guard had remarked about their closeness), and he had sent Thor to sleep in a guest room, thereby forbidding Thor to share a bedroom with his beloved brother. Loki, on the other hand, was chastised severely, and he took the blunt of the blame.

"Seducing your very own brother- how dare you?!" Odin roared, slamming his scepter into the ground in anger.

That night, Loki lay in bed shivering and whimpering in fear and despair, replaying his father's words in his mind repeatedly, unable to forget that look of absolute hate and repulsion. _Father hates me. He hates me. Why? WHY? Someone, anyone, please tell me why!_ Tears spilled forth from emerald eyes, and he curled even smaller in the unfamiliarly large room, hating himself and feeling the crushing weight of loneliness.

When Thor padded into the room later at midnight Loki felt relief and happiness- his cherished brother was here! Then Loki grew angry at his brother- why wasn't he blamed? Why didn't Thor tell him that it was wrong? After a series of hushed words Thor left again, feeling confused and hurt. Meanwhile Loki started to cry all over again, begging his brother weakly to _please just come back._

The next day Loki left Asgard early in the morning, traveling to a remote island in one of the nine realms. He hadn't told any of his family members about his plans- all he did was write a brief note that read, "_I'm leaving and probably won't be back for a while. –Loki. __P.S. Hope you're happy, Father!__" _He left for nearly seven years, training in the art of _seiðr_. He also learned to manipulate those around him, whispering sweet nothings into their ears and watching them bend over in complete submission. At the age of Midgardian twenty he returned to Asgard, utterly different in his persona. Loki went from being quiet and shy to a man of cunning words and a sharp tongue. He was powerful now, his illusions no different than reality. When his family members stood to greet him in the throne room they were shocked and puzzled, bemused by the changed person that stood before them. A few years later Loki tricked Thor into racing into Jotunheim, and watched, remorseless, as his hated brother left. Those that saw him viewed his brisk pace to his quarters as an apathetic, slightly frightening trip to his bedroom. They didn't see him slamming his door shut and falling against it, crouching as he wallowed in the now familiar feeling of despair and loss. Loki suddenly remembered Thor's smiling face as Loki entered the throne room that day so many years ago. Out of all of the onlookers Thor's expression had been the most open and pure- he had been genuinely ecstatic. With a _bang!_ the furniture flew out and blasted against the walls, and Loki stood, angry and alone amongst the wreckage.

When Thor had come back, victorious, Loki had realized that the place that he had once held in Thor's heart had been taken over by the mortal _Jane Foster_. He witnessed the heartbreak Thor felt as he broke the bridge between Midgard and Asgard, and knew right then that the only one that he felt had truly understood him did not love him the most anymore. _And it's _your_ fault!_ a sneering voice in his head whispered, _You pushed him away. What did you expect? _Loki pondered this throughout the chaotic events that passed afterwards, and he realized when he fell into the starry galaxy with Thor's outstretched hand reaching after him that _all I ever wanted was someone who would stay. Someone who wouldn't leave no matter how many times I lied and screamed at him to go._

When he had the Tesseract in one hand and his own scepter in the other he convinced himself that Thor was unneeded. He had loved him for all this time, and although he wouldn't admit it, Loki still wanted his brother desperately. _He's not your brother!_ whispered that dark voice in his head. And then his form flickered for a moment, changing to the blue figure of a Jotun that he really was. Instantly he felt repulsion snake its way through the crowd of mortal onlookers, and he buried that self-shame deep within his heart, releasing in its stead pure rage. _I'll teach these mortals what shame truly is! I'll have them kneel at my feet, heads pressed against the floor as they witness a true god!_

Later, after the entire battle was over, Thor had grasped him tightly, though not out of love. This time it was because it needed to fasten the tight mouthpiece over his mouth, and the handcuffs on his skinny wrists. When they returned to Asgard Thor sent him to the dungeons without a backward glance. _I don't care, _ became Loki's mantra. After days without visitors his mother began to come, bringing his favorite books and news of Thor's upcoming coronation. The entire time Loki missed his brother dearly, though on the outside he kept a spiteful and disparaging expression on.

"Thor misses you." Frigga told him one day, as she paced around the compact room. "He talks about that Foster girl often, but he becomes alert and anxious whenever anyone mentions your name. The other day when there was a prison riot he volunteered to go to your section instantaneously. He said it was because the prisoners here are extremely dangerous but I saw the longing in his eyes. I know what that feeling is- the one of absolute need. You know it too, don't you, Loki?"

"No. I don't. And that blundering oaf is absolutely ridiculous. He comes in here as if there is an emergency, with his hair flying in random directions and his breath coming out in gasps. I sent him away- what a shameful person to be around. I'm quite thankful that we're not related." Loki replied, disdain etched on his face on pouring into his words. He was just about to say something witty and sarcastic when his mother gave him a look full of understanding. He hadn't tricked her, he realized. Loki turned away, then swiped a hand through Frigga's body. She disappeared, fading away like a hologram. Then he kicked the wall, glaring at it angrily. _As if he would love someone like me. He probably just loves that mortal woman. _

A second later Thor descended into the prison, and Loki was already in position, his legs crossed and on the ground as he sat, leaning nonchalantly against the wall. He had a book in his hand and read the words without really taking in their meaning.

"Brother, look at me. Why will you never look my way? You have betrayed me so many times and yet, why do I still trust you? I need you Loki, I _want_ you." Thor declared, hand pressed against the outside wall.

"First of all," Loki drawled, not looking up from his novel, "I believe you have a severe illness called stupidity. Unfortunately, no cure has been found yet. I suppose you'll just have to keep on going along your stupid way. Don't come in, by the way. I heard that stupidity is contagious. Second of all, what about your _Foster_ girl? Don't you want her more?" As he spoke the last few words his voice cracked ever so slightly. He prayed that Thor wouldn't notice, but also he wanted Thor to see how much he wanted him in return.

Thor stepped past the golden sheen covering the opening of his prison cell, looking at him with sorrow. "I never truly loved her, you know. I just hoped that you would be jealous. A hopeless dream, isn't it?"

"Undeniably. Now leave. Shoo. Scat."

Thor turned, and then moved out of the cell, stepping down to touch the hallway floor. "Loki, I-"

"Go."

Then Thor left, shoulders slumping and eyes downcast. When he was surely out of earshot Loki clenched his fists and spoke the one word that he had been meaning to say all along.

"_Stay."_ Loki whispered, his controlled countenance flickering for a second to reveal need and want. He hated whenever his brother reduced him to such a vulnerable state. He rested his head against the side of his brightly lit prison cell, closing his eyes and feeling a single tear trail down his face. His heart clenched, and he hoped against hope that Thor would one day hear his words. But then he heard Thor's footsteps fading away, taking with him the remaining hope in Loki Laufeyson. The tear splashed onto his book, engendering a small watery dent on the open page. He flipped the page, his mind settling back into the state of obliviousness and calculated control.

Suddenly, he heard a light step from behind, and then the whoosh of a red cape followed soon after. He glanced up, wishing it was true but guarded in case it was not. But it really was his stupidly caring brother, with sky blue eyes looking at him with the lust and affection that was not at all brotherly.

"Brother, I always will," Thor murmured, and then Loki felt a trace of soft lips brush against his own, and a rough hand grasped his head from behind, clenching strands of silky ebony hair. Loki's book was tossed aside and in its place Thor bent over him, one hand still behind his brother and the other was rested against the back wall, propping Thor's muscular form up. And then Loki shed another tear, but it was one of the alien feeling joy, for his prayers have been answered at last.


End file.
